Arsenic
by Espresso Yourself
Summary: "Hanji," Levi demanded oddly, indistinct, black eyes still trained on the black of the branches, "what does 'Arsenic' mean?" "It's one of the few known chemical elements," she explained after a moment, "It's a semi-metal and one of the more stable elements, however..." Here she hesitated,now wondering why exactly he had wanted to know. "It's incredibly deadly."


The sun's rays cracked down upon the earth like whips on a slave's back. The light of day was unmerciful, hovering like a malignant, sadistic eye, its pupil nonexistent, but seeing every drop of perspiration behind necks reddening and searing with pain. Even the open air smelled of sharp, pungent urine sloshed with the musky odor of a pile of shit, layered thickly with what unmistakably was the scent of still sickliness that soon would be found by death, after a life spent running away. The frail, elderly air did not move, though the dust did not hesitate to meet it, rising like lint ensnared in a window's singular beam of light. Even the buzz of fattened, repulsive flies echoed in the silence as they grotesquely kissed the faces of the trainees standing upon the rock hard ground. Their superior held a thin leather crop in his hand, worn through age and overuse. He beat it upon his thigh, unrelenting, one, two, three, four, each second agony for the group. Weak eyes pleaded with him in vain. He enjoyed it.

Levi Rachaelsson huffed where he stood, merely waiting the instructor out. Every second here, frozen in place and knocked around by gnats, was paradise compared to a life lived in poverty and as such, he was unaffected by this display. His eyes apathetically jumped with the crop, but his they would always be staring straight into the instructor's whenever he spared the peasant a glance.

"I imagine," the instructor began coolly, even his voice a relief from the scorching silence to most, only falling like a fly upon Levi's ears, "that you have been looking forward to this lesson." He snapped the whip in front of Hanji Zoe, a recruit that had always been much too curious for anyone's tastes - especially Levi's. "Isn't that so?" Dumbass girl, Levi thought to himself before she even opened her chapped lips or shoved her fists like a spear on the front and back of her heart.

"Yessir, very much, sir!" she chirped in reply, straightening herself to her proudest height.

"Wrong!" he snarled back at her, waving the whip like a wave from a lakeshore in front of the desolate trainees. "This is one of the most difficult skills you must master in order to become a soldier!" he yelled. Honestly, has he no fucking sense of decency? His voice carried sharply throughout the silent ranks and it was unnecessarily noisy. "Aside from use of Three Dimensional Maneuver Gear, I would call this the paramount skill, in fact. It's not a day off like all that time you're caught in the damn classroom!" His whip fell upon an unsuspecting soldier. "Fittenger! Why is that?" he demanded, unsympathetic eyes boring into Ida's burnt-out gaze. She snapped up.

"B-because it requires more... muscle use, sir?"

"Wrong!" he snapped, sharp eyes digging through the masses for a new prey. The son of a bitch clearly hadn't been named Peter Hawk for nothing. He paced through several rows, words falling like drool from a dog's dirty mouth. "Well? Anyone?" Levi's eyes were like coal set aflame. It's not like anyone will answer, he sneered in his mind, we aren't fucking supposed to talk unless talked to, you motherfucker. The instructor was drawn in to the silent challenge like a moth. He brandished his whip. "Rachaelsson!"

"Because it requires earning the trust of another creature," he explained tautly.

"Oh?" The word oozed acidically, slowly and Levi felt like his carefully washed uniform was violated simply from the sound. "You been paying attention in the damn classroom?" he seeped.

"Yes, sir. Someone had to," Levi leered in response. The instructor's face curdled.

"The regular castigation will do. Clean the kitchen and cafeteria floors after dinner tonight," he said routinely.

"Yes, sir," Levi acknowledged pointlessly. He could hardly fathom why on Earth figures of authority so loved hearing recognition of their words - he found silence much more appealing. After his fair share of beatings and punishments, however, it was forged into his skin that those words must be spoken.

"Today," Instructor Hawk announced, his attention reverting to the group once more, "you will begin horseback riding." At the mere mention of it, tension leaked out from the group, like the end of a particularly satisfying shit, and anticipation of a day of literally sitting around on their asses welled up like a blessed spring from the sun-caked cracks in the ground.

Levi chose to tune out the rest of the speech for it only included cautions, regulations, and information about the course they would ride. If he was lucky, then he'd just use the beast to get out of the hellhole he was in. He imagined Isabel and Farlan would be fast behind him. His eyes, having remained upon the instructor, caught the signal to move out. The group trudged along the upward trail that first brought them here in wagon loads and turned a sharp corner at the top to descend the hill to the area beside the lake. They had previously done jogs up the hillside and from the top had gotten a fair view of the lake, but had failed to notice that the field along its shores was occupied. As they pooled out into the open, rapidly reorganizing themselves to their standing order, they took note of the sturdy but admittedly tarnished structure, running parallel to the shore, just under the shade of the pines. A fence encompassed an area large enough for three times as many of the young troops to fit. And as it were, milling about peacefully like a lamb unaware of its imminent slaughter, there rested a group of horses. Levi could now recognize where the sickly scent of near death had originated from.

The decrepit animals couldn't even move themselves away from their own piles of manure. Most of them, in fact, complimented it in color, coming in a vast array of browns and almost-blacks, and greys, all, of course, peppered with more grey. Skin sagged along their ribs and their legs were as long and spindly as a teenager's, but weaker than an elder's. And perhaps worst of all, most held a plethora of green spots where Levi suspected they'd simply fallen over into their own waste.

"These horses," droned the instructor, "are seasoned veterans. They've seen more combat than you have, that's for damned sure. They've been retired from the Survey Corps and sent to live here, where we give them all the space they need and exercise them by teaching trainees such as yourself how to ride. These horses will not see abuse or you'll be out of here faster than a Titan'd eat you. And not without punishment, either. Their lives are worth ten times more than yours - they're the feet carry you. You might as well be legless without them. Now, they usually live here in winter - their summer home is up on that plateau." He paused to point out the obvious field upon an outcropping of rock. "Your mission today is to get your horse and its equipment back home safely by nightfall. We'll be waiting - and watching." He stepped back and was handed a horse by a woman in military garb that was unfamiliar to the recruits. Instructor Hawk mounted and kicked his horse, vanishing rapidly into the shade. The woman stepped up to take his place, a clipboard balanced in her hands.

"I am Colonel Demeshk, in charge of overseeing the horses, formerly of the Garrison," she asserted, straightening her sharpened shoulders. She glanced over her documents and began listing off systematically which trainee would be paired with each horse. She identified the creatures based off of their height, color, and distinguishable markings. Levi wondered why she failed to include specific shitstains along their bellies. He ignored his given information and she dismissed them dispassionately with an additional warning about the safety of the horses. And so, as far as the eye could see, the gaggle of novices were left largely to their own devices. No one stepped forward and everyone eyed the beasts wearily. Hesitant voices rippled through their minor crowd as they broke form and sought out friends with whom to discuss the predicament. After all, no matter how old, they were war horses and they were of no laughable size. Levi steered clear of the fence and instead paced by the lapping water, pebbles crumbling at his feet. Clatters behind him alerted him to the presence of Farlan and Isabel. He peered over his shoulders at his tails.

"How do you reckon we start?" Farlan asked, appealing to the brunette. Isabel pranced around him, knocking rocks loose from the shore and sending uneasy glances towards the horses. They always fancied they could steal one from the Military Police, but on the day they tried as mere children, they'd realized just how big they were. That had been, of course, back when thievery was a game played at the beginning of friendship as opposed to the edge of a knife.

"It's not important," Levi replied dully. He whet his tongue and scathingly continued, "Look at those dumbass beasts. All they do is eat and shit - they don't know a hard life, inside or outside no fucking wall." A few of the braver cadets had tentatively approached the horses nearest to the fence and were put off by their lethargic response. It was no longer clear as the water to Farlan and Isabel to which group he referred to. As it so happened, they glanced forward soon enough to be able to behold the spectacle that was Hanji Zoe. It was always fun to observe that fool's damned enthusiasm for life thrown directly back in her face and so Levi moved closer to watch the display she was putting on. He caught only the end of her speech as he slunk through the trees closest to the paddock.

"-since they're herd-oriented. I bet you it'll work!" She slapped a hand on a particularly tall troop with strangely split hair. He peeked at her uneasily from underneath his blonde bangs, like a mouse from between the rye fields. Her noisy voice had drawn somewhat of a small crowd and those who previously hadn't paid her any mind watched as she jumped the derelict fence. "Let's see..." she drawled aloud, "'Brown horse with black points. 16.2 hands high... How tall was that again? Right, about 170 centimeters at the shoulder, right? So a pretty big boy... Um, a rose brand on his left flank... Name was Greyor..." She called him a few times, checking all of the brown horses for brands as she went. Levi rolled his eyes and picked out the horse at the far end of the pasture, closest to the lake. Beside him, a worn leather saddle was tossed on the fence post. He hadn't noticed the unnaturally tall one leave, but he had apparently fetched Hanji's gear. What a fucking angel. His eyes were still haunted by a brief worry for Hanji, Levi supposed, but his yellow gaze flicked between the woman and her assigned horse continually. She spotted it, gave a rowdy, "Ah! That's where you're at!" and jogged up directly behind him. "Yahoo!" she yelled boisterously, "Greyor!"

Evidently, it was a fucking mistake. For a moment, anyone who'd blinked glanced around for thunderheads only to find that the disrupting sound had come from hooves smacking into the ground and the alarming shriek of prey. The horse had kicked out directly behind him and hit Hanji, stunned into stillness at how her greeting was received, square in the gut. Levi could have sworn he felt a tickle in his bangs when the all of that blusterous wind was knocked out of her and into the summer air. He cocked an eyebrow, gladdened by the fact that he bothered to watch. It almost made coming out here worth it. Around him, the chit-chatter of squirrelly laughter echoed off the branches, his own sarcastic sniggers among it. The straw-haired man at his side looked sympathetically at Hanji, and helped lift her over the fence. She leaned heavily on Ida Fittenger, who had squeamishly gone in after her.

"Dumb ox," Isabel hissed at her as she was dragged by little Ida and the giant. Farlan shook his head at the petty insult, though was smiling nonetheless, but she was hardly worth Levi's acknowledgement. He awaited to see if anyone else would step up to the podium and sacrifice his pride for the sake of their amusement. He was delectably pleased when Fletcher Andover strode up and obnoxiously declared,

"That's not how it's done, you fool!" Levi recalled from his arrogant bragging around mealtimes that he was from Wall Sina, but while he'd lived a life of relative comfort, he certainly hadn't come from great wealth. He was hellbent on joining the Military Police and ever the honest man, Levi assessed that his rotten core would fit in perfectly with the bastards there. The apple-haired boy strode confidently to the horses and hopped the fence with a practiced, presumptuous ease, approaching his own grey stallion, whose hip bones jutted out as wide as a plate. "They're animals, not humans," he shot at Hanji, who now sat up against Ida's arms, still catching her breath. Her shirt was no longer tucked in, as the tall bastard was checking on her ribs. She deserved whatever broken bones she got. She would be left for dead had this happened outside the wall. At least Levi wouldn't have to deal with her for very long in the Scouting Legion - she'd bite the dust by the first expedition. Hanji glared at the redheaded man, who had taken the saddle and bridle previously brought out for her use. "Show them that you're the boss," he instructed to the leeching ears all around. He tossed the saddle upon the horse's swayed back and unsheathed a whip. The eyes of the elderly stallion rolled back and he spooked at the threat of a hit. For this, the black leather cut into his flank. He danced away. He was handed his punishment. This proceeded on until the horse's yearning teeth latched onto Andover's fingers and galloped off, fittingly joining Hanji's Greyor at the far end. The rest of the horses, now agitated, began to trudge in the direction of the far corner, the whites of their eyes unwisely revealing their fear. The saddle had fallen at Andover's feet and his bloody fingers curled around it. It was hurdled in Levi's cackling direction, but slid pathetically in the dust, coming to a stop by the fence. "If you can do so much better, peasant," he sneered, "then please, be my guest!" He flung his arms outward and blood slapped Levi's cheeks. He wiped it off with a sleeve, for blood was a stain to be worn as proudly as a scar.

"As you wish," he spat scornfully, shadowy eyes scanning the crowd for his mount. Just as he'd spotted the creature and was making ready to jump the fence, a substantial, sweat-slicked hand gripped his thin shoulders fiercely and when he glanced back, the straw-haired man that had helped Hanji had Levi in his grasp. Frantically, he shook his head, the part in his bangs falling into a field of hair. When Levi tried to twist out of his grasp, his hold only tightened. The brunette struggled in the deadlock for a moment, fully knowing he'd be able to help himself, but Farlan snaked his hands around the giant man's thick, perspiring neck and attempted to wring his throat. Stunned, the stoic beast fell back, releasing Levi as well, who perched perfectly on the opposite side of the fence. He stood triumphantly and scanned the group for his horse. When he moved to approach it however, the knocked-down man clambered over and swept over the animals to presumably find his own. "If you're so fucking determined," Levi muttered, making a grand gesture towards the startled creatures and backing away in an ironic bow to the brutish man. Now all of the trainees had gathered to witness the spectacle. Horses shied away like giggling, noble ladies prancing away from a fat lord in a picture the brunette had witnessed many times before. The collapsed redhead under the trees called out,

"You can do it, Mike!" He immediately spun and shushed her, the sound sharp like wind over wheat, and the very first that Levi had ever heard coming from his rat-tail mouth. His stride presented assurance that his actions were the correct ones as he languidly moved towards the weary animals with a meaty arm stuck foolishly before him. From the group, he isolated the largest horse. This was a mud-encrusted brass color and had little to no fat whatsoever, though was by no means scrawny. Even from where he watched on the sidelines, it was evident this war horse was carved of pure, sinuous, hideous muscle. Though white split the even color of his coat over scars, he lumbered with more regality and respect than the others. His face was raised in distress as Mike advanced deliberately at angle, beside his brickish head as opposed to straight on. They could all see the strained muscles in his neck, the bulging whites of his eyes, and they anticipated an inevitable rear or kick or some sort of force display. The human bent himself downward, tore a handful of grass, and stuck it back out like a childish offering of peace. The horse began to ease himself downward, experimentally leaning toward the hand and inhaled deeply like a bird preparing its first note of song in the early morn. His lips tentatively flopped upon Mike's hand and at last his body followed his head forward. The blonde placed his free hand on the horse's cheek, patting it soundly, and twisted his fingers in his mane. As he trudged back to the fence, the copper creature willingly fell in step beside him and then planted himself, still as the air, beside the railing. Quietly, Mike dropped the available blanket and saddle upon his back and slipped the bridle on with no resistance. He boosted himself upon his back, urged him forward toward the gate, left the pasture, and resolutely abandoned the group as he and his horse loped into the shadow of the forest.

In the following hour, the trainees spent their time clumsily attempting to duplicate Mike's tranquil methods. Levi had already sent Isabel and Farlan on their way and had not moved from his spot by the fence. He observed the behaviors, the errors, and the successes, entirely removed, and only made his attempt after half of their time had passed. Now, only he, the unbearable Hanji woman, and her caretaker Ida remained by the pasture, their horses long since having calmed down from the initial clamor of their arrival.

Levi's steed was one of the smaller ones, standing at 16 hands, and was pale grey color intermittently mottled with dull, brown flecks and plasters of mud along its belly. Its ears were lazy and long and the tip of its shoulder blade stood like a sharp fin from a fish. Its mouth hung open as though it were in a permanent state of dumbfoundedness and its eye was dazed and clouded - the other was missing entirely. The brunette scrutinized the horse and stalked a circle around it, but it only responded with a flick of its tail at a fly. In one hand, he held a bridle, and draped over the fencepost nearest to him was its ugly saddle. He slipped a flat, taupe pad upon its back and tossed the heavy saddle on after. He squeezed the buckle of the cinch on tightly and the horse let out a grotesque cough. Nonetheless, it took the bit of the bridle in its mouth willingly, gnawing oddly at it, and remained still for Levi as he mounted. His hand found purchase tucked in the hole above the animal's jutting withers, but his sticky legs snapped back and forth at the lowered stirrup, barely brushing the hot metal. The tips of his toes grappled around until they at last managed to fit in and, using all of the force in his arms, he at last hauled himself over the hill of the horse. Like a feral beast, he tossed his eyes to Hanji and Ida indignant superiority glowing like embers in coal, but it mattered not: neither had seen the rather humiliating display of his ineptitude - not, of course, that his lack of grace mattered. He'd made it up and that completed the task.

Levi refocused himself on the remaining job. His feet easily slid into both stirrups and the reins were clasped and wrinkled into the balls of his fists. His shrewd, dry eyes reassessed the conditions he found himself in. From the back of the horse, he retained a satisfactory vantage point of the area around him: and scrawny as it may have been, its long legs ensured that it would be able to trample through the undergrowth with ease. At this point, the sun had reached its highest, boiling the white-hot sky around it with the suffocating fingers of its rays and the brunette assumed position to depart. Never one to hold back, Levi hit either side of its ribs and sent it sprawling forward at an ungainly lope. It released another ludicrous cough on its way out, jostling its mount in the saddle. The gait was uneven at best and stirred the chunks of ill shame in the pit of the man's stomach as it lurched past Hanji, who was pushing Ida up onto her horse. The pair hurdled past the croaking gate and into the forest.

After the first few furlongs of flat dirt beneath the trees, the road before Levi gradually became a slope and soon thereafter an entire ridge, slapped here and there with grey slabs of rock. The brunette wouldn't have been shocked if his horse had been carved from them, as what had once been a rough canter had eased to a thumping trot that slowed with each step. It was evident that the creature wouldn't endure long enough to be forced to the top of the plateau and the man certainly couldn't have that. Around him, boulders loomed beside undisturbed foliage that cut straight through to the summer barns upon the highland, most likely avoided due to their proximity to the bedrock. He scanned it guardedly. If he carved his own way over the side of the mountain, even with an older, inadequate mount, he could make it up in what he estimated would be half of the time that it would take the others. He tugged the horse's mouth off of the path and smacked its sides. The miserable thing gave a heaving gale of a gasp and faltered toward the area Levi selected, hooves pounding heavily through the bushes. Its unfortunate feet cracked upon the stone as it clambered up the hillside, each breath torn out of the sides of its mouth, stroking its disgustingly lolling tongue as it struggled to keep its hold. Levi kept his weight thrust forward, irately muttering curses to himself in the horse's ear.

"Dumbass," he hissed, eyes trained upon the setting sun, "if you hadn't taken so long, we'd have gotten there by now." Salty water was secreted from the damned thing's body, sourly curling between the pinching skin of its belly in every valley and ridge of its ribs. The split in its ass lathered revoltingly. Around them, colossal shadows toppled from the closely packed pine trees and blocked what little light was available. Levi forced its weak efforts onward and, perhaps in order to cease this enduring misery, ejaculated the last of its forgotten strength and flexed its muscles upon the grey stone. Along his calves, Levi could feel the rotting sinew expanding and contracting to release warm oxygen. The thing was determined and now he doubted whether or not he was able to stop it if the need arose for there was no greater strength than that of newly festered determination.

They struggled along the rocks for its last, dust-biting hours under the stewing red sun. When they made it to the top of the plateau, they both were able to feel their bodies pulsate with waves of a yellow, rancid stench. Over the rise, the barn was visible through the vast, green fields of grass under low-hanging, bubbling clouds. The beast sputtered and stumbled out its best lanky trot, pushing out a belch of a whinny into the distance. The soft echo of a shriek returned and, desperate, the thing ran on, jostling Levi harshly.

That last stretch under the vile sun was the longest that Levi would recall for years to come. When at last they arrived, both collapsed like carrion from dehydration and he was unable to recall anything about what happened there, for when he awoke, the sky was dark and he was in the infirmary at the base.

"What happened?" he rasped at a young woman in his room that stood off to the side, folding a sheet. She was young, no older, he imagined, than fifteen and had long dark hair swept into a ponytail at her side.

"You collapsed from heat exhaustion," she informed him politely, not glancing away from her work with the blankets. He slid up frantically and leaned against the backboard.

"How long have I been down?" he demanded, praying desperately that no one had seen his fall from the beast. At this moment, he was unconcerned with how she perceived him: it was likely she wouldn't be here much longer anyhow and she wasn't liable to talk to anyone either.

"Perhaps two hours. It's supper time now and I suggest you go if you want to get a meal tonight. Be sure to drink plenty of water," the girl advised, refusing to look him in eye. Her behavior gave him a sense of foreboding. He dizzyingly abandoned the girl in the sagging house and stumbled outside.

The sky was black and gnat flies swarmed like stars, causing their light to give fickle flickers. The sluggish wind was moist with the dank scent of human perspiration carried along. Black rats followed Levi as he jogged along the torn, dry ground to the lit lodge they used for meals. He slapped the door open when he arrived and several tired eyes swept over him, followed by their thick, cloudy, buzzing snickers. The nurse must have pitied him, knowing what he'd have to face when he emerged.

"Rachaelsson," oozed a vile voice from the room's front. "So pleased you could join us." Commander Hawk stood at his table, the chair shrieking horrifically as it was forced away. "So sorry to hear of your heat exhaustion from Nurse Jaeger," he remarked pityingly, approaching as sickeningly as the wind. Tension unfurled throughout the room like a drying worm grappling for nonexistent wet soil. He reached Levi and perched in front of him like a fat, juiced fly. "And more so to hear of your horse's condition. I believe," he began, turning about face to address all the trainees in the room, "that I informed you of your worth in comparison to that of your horse's. You do recall that, don't you, Rachaelsson?" The brunette did not reply, but squared his body and allowed his vision to blur away. "No smartass comments now, hm?" the Commander taunted sadistically. "Now, I informed each and everyone one of you that mistreatment of your animal would result in your expulsion from the trainees and entrance into the fields for work. This rule," he dripped saltily, "will not be enforced in this case." The smaller man's shoulders sagged in relief. From where he stood before them, he saw many confused faces, the annoyance of Andover's, and the joy of Farlan and Isabel's. He approached the latter two's table, but a meaty, calloused hand gripped his shoulder. "And let me explain to you why." The room froze once more and the sweat went still on Levi's forehead. "This man," he announced noisily, "is a criminal. Rather than being sentenced to hanging or prison, he was forcibly condemned into the Survey Corps. Therefore, he cannot be expelled from the military. From now on Rachaelsson, in addition to your regular training, you can expect to be cleaning these floors every day after breakfast, lunch, and dinner. You will also spend the remainder of the year as a stable hand at the barns, as you were the only trainee to fail every individually graded section during the first riding examination. This sentence is effective," he hissed, beady rat's eyes boring into Levi's like a whip on a slave's back, "immediately." And he was shoved onto the hot ground harshly, humiliating laughter pulsating throughout the room.

**A/N:** Next chapter; Courser.


End file.
